Olivia Joules by Helen Fielding

Author:Helen Fielding
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 2002-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

THIRTY-FOUR

Olivia sat at the front of the boat in the white-leather passenger seat, fighting back surges of seasickness, her head bouncing up and down like a rag doll’s as every few seconds she was slapped in the face by a wave. Meanwhile, Alfonso, also soaking wet, stood at the wheel, dressed in a ridiculous outfit of white shirt, white shorts, white three-quarter-length socks and a captain’s hat.

He was steering the boat inexpertly and much too fast into the prevailing wind so that it reared up and smacked into every wave head-on. He was gesticulating, oblivious, at the shoreline ahead and, completely inaudible above the roar of the engine, shouting things at her.

How, she thought grimly, could I be such a bloody idiot? Miss Ruthie is working for Alfonso. Miss Ruthie probably poisoned the banana cake and cut Drew’s head off. She’s like the evil red-raincoated dwarf in Don’t Look Now. She’s going to reappear from the cabin in a Little Red Riding Hood outfit and cut my throat.

What can I do? The answer, she realized, was nothing. She still had the hatpin in her hand. The pepper-spray pen was in her pocket, but her chances of overpowering two burly men with a pen and a hatpin were, realistically, not very high.

“Where are we going?” she yelled. “I want to go to the airport.”

“It is a surprise,” Alfonso said gaily. “It is a surprise from Meester Feramo.”

“Stop, stop!” she said. “Slow down!” He ignored her, letting out a gurgling laugh and smacking the boat into another wave.

“I’m going to be sick!” she yelled, leaning towards the spotless white outfit and feigning a quasi-vomit. He jumped back in alarm and immediately cut the engine.

“Over the side,” he said, waving his hand at her. “Over there. Pedro. Agua.

Quick.”

She did a convincing dry heave over the side—not much acting required—and leaned back, hand to her head. “Where are we going?”

“To Meester Feramo’s hotel. It is a surprise.”

“Why didn’t someone ask me? This is a kidnapping.”

Alfonso started the boat up again, looking at her with his oily smile. “It is a beautiful surprise!” She willed the vomit to rise again. Next time I’ll do it for real, she said to herself. Right onto his little shorts.

As they rounded the headland, an idyllic holiday scene spread before them: white sand and turquoise sea, bathers frolicking and laughing in the shallows. Olivia wanted to rush ashore and slap everyone, yelling, “It’s evil, evil! This is all built on killing and death!” The boatman approached the wheel, offering to take over, but Alfonso brushed him away impatiently, roaring towards the jetty as if in an advert for after-dinner mints, shower gel or tooth whitener. In the nick of time he realized he had misjudged it. He veered off to the left, scattering snorkelers and narrowly missing a jet ski, made a messy circle, churning up the sea, then cut the engine just a little bit too late so that he crashed into the jetty anyway, letting out a curse.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.